You’re the one who’s cheated and now you want to know if you can change and become faithful, here’s what you need to know…
- Do you often wonder why you cheated because the reasons don’t seem so clear to you?
- You know your relationship is good (or at least OK) and can’t understand why you do the things you do, OR
- Your relationship isn’t that great, you don’t know what to do about it, how you should look at things, or should you work toward stopping the cheating… it fills a void
If your partner doesn’t know about the cheating…
- you’ll be living with a gnawing worry that’ll you’ll be discovered
- you’re tied of lying about where you spend your time
- you’re probably sick of lying about money, thinking about cash or credit card statements, and what these might say about you
- you’re tired of being the person you didn’t think you would actually every be
If your partner already knows about the cheating… the feeling may even be worse:
- You’re buckling under the strain of guilt, blame and shame
- Your partner is a constant reminder of what you’ve done, and if you forget they’ll be swift to remind you
- You can’t stand living with the constant discussions about ‘why’
- Your relationship and life as you knew it, has been changed forever
You’re over it all, and now need to know if you can change, stop cheating and be faithful?
In my decades of being a relationship counsellor, the short answer is ‘yes’. You can change the habit of cheating and become the once again (or for the first time) faithful, devoted and quality partner. You have to want to go on the journey and do what’s required however.
I’ve counselled many people over the past decades who have had little understanding about why they’ve cheated in the first place. All from different backgrounds, value and belief systems and all presenting with different ideas about how life should be. The one common denominator in all cases, is the lack of knowledge about why they cheated, and a deeper understanding of who they actually are.
You can stop the cheating and be faithful
Human beings are the only species that have such a great ability to change anything about ourselves we wish to.
Change will be possible when you establish a deeper relationship with yourself, and therefore a greater understanding of why you chose to cheat in the first place.
We often seek to fill up our empty emotional containers through seeking love or intimacy elsewhere. It’s a task you will never be finished with doing. You can spend the rest of your life trying to validate yourself through others but it’s a fruitless journey and you’ll never be at the end of the task.
Quality therapy can help you stop the cheating and become a faithful partner
It’s difficult for you to be able to see entirely why you cheat on your own. You can only see things through your own perspective, which is biased. In addition, you know what you think on a conscious level but if the reasons for the cheating are unconscious, then they will be particularly difficult to identify.
It’s a normal thought that you like to do things on our own and solve our own problems, but remember that you only have limited information, your own perspective.
Speak to a fully qualified on-call therapist, who’ll help you uncover the reasons for the cheating in the first place, from a totally unbiased and non-judgemental perspective.
Together, you’ll then be able to solve the problem, make peace with the original driving forces, feel better about yourself and why you did the things you did, and talk about future plans.
I’m a therapist and I say… you got this!