If someone’s cheating on you, you may badly want to help them to stop the cheating. Here’s what you need to know…
Has the discovery of cheating left you devastated and desperately wanting to know how you can get the cheater to stop? Repetitive thoughts fill your head like… “surely there must be something I can do to stop this” or “I’m smart enough to figure out a plan on how I can get them to stop”.
The longer your thinking goes on, the more emotionally exhausted you feel. Sleeping is hard because of the continual nightly processing in your head.
So, how do you get your cheating person to stop?
The real reality is that you can’t, as you don’t have complete control over another person. However, there are things you can do to try and influence things.
It will all depend on how much power in the relationship the cheating person has. If they hold all the power and enjoy the cheating, there is a chance they will think that their cheating will never have any significant consequences for them. It’s difficult to stop most habits if you don’t want to, and there are no or low consequences.
Their view of the consequences may be impacting on your cheater’s choice in behaviour. Are they able to see fully what their cheating may cause (don’t assume they know or think about it), for example:
- Deeply hurting you
- The risk of losing you
- The risk of losing other family members, like children, parents etc.
- The overall impacts of potentially breaking up the family
- The negative things that friends will say and think when they find out about the cheating
- Never being able to repair your trust
- Financial impacts
- The gradual destruction of their own self worth
- Increasing fear about the future
- Destroying everything about life as they know it to be now
- Potential a range of problems brought to the table by the person they are cheating with
You can work toward helping your cheating partner to realise exactly what’s at stake and what life might look like in the future if the cheating continues.
This is a starting point but nothing you can do on your own is likely to replace quality therapy for you both. A therapist will be able to objectively help your cheating partner to:
- Really see the risks they are taking
- Fully appreciate the gravity of their behaviour on themselves and on others, including you
- Understand what attracted them to the cheating in the first place
- Uncover what’s maintained the cheating
- Learn strategies for how to stop the cheating now
- Learn how to stop relapse from happening in the future
- Learn how to fully appreciate the life they have now
Call Therapy Lounge and speak to an on-call therapist who will be able to help you put a plan into action. If you can get your cheating partner involved in the process… great! If not, you’ll still be able to talk to your therapist about how to handle the next steps.