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If you’re wondering why are affairs so hard to end? Here’s some things to consider...
If you are struggling to end an affair, you will be feeling confused and emotionally exhausted from the strain of repeated thoughts going around and around in your head.
You seem to have more questions than answers, and the more you process the less clarity you have. You think you need to make a decisive decision and then act on it, but you just can’t seem to quite get there. You never imagined it was going to be this hard and grueling.
Not all affairs are hard to end but many are. Consider what’s really deep down in your thinking…
You may believe that you really want to end the affair (or the multiple affairs) but there may be a small part of you that will deeply miss the person you are having the affair with. Ending the affair may very well bring about an emotional pain you don’t want to have to endure. The loss of that person in your life may cause you significant feelings of sadness and grief.
Needing to avoid the pain of grief can be a strong driving force in keeping feelings of uncertainty repeating, and will keep you trapped in your emotions and unable to act.
Is it hard to break from the person or the affair itself?
It may not so much be the person you will miss, but rather the affair itself… the act of the affair, the feelings of being wanted and the excitement, that is keeping you stuck. Some of these are powerful motivators in keeping the affair going, even though it might be hurting you in other areas.
Think about any potential feelings of sadness around the thought of ending the affair. Do you think…
- I will miss him/her to the point of experiencing feelings of true pain and longing
- I can’t imagine not being able to see him/her
- I can’t bear the thought of him/her not being in my life ever again
- If I end it, I feel like life won’t be the same, my life will be full of grey
- If I end things, there’ll be a huge part of me that will feel like it’s missing
Or, if it’s the affair itself…
- Will I be able to live without this feeling of excitement?
- I can’t image how boring life will be
- But don’t I deserve to have the kind of life I want?
- I need this to be able to feel alive and fulfilled
- I need the rush and the thrill of the risk taking
After all your efforts to process answers through, you still might not be able to come up with answers. Then a professional therapist is likely to be your answer.