Last Updated on
You believe you love your boyfriend and can’t understand why you still cheat on him: here’s why you might be doing it.
If you are cheating on the man you love, you’ll be feeling the strain of guilt and underlying shame. Sometimes, there’s a heaviness in the pit of your stomach that’s warning you about the risk of getting caught.
Your repetitive thoughts about the cheating, fill up a lot of your thinking time. Sometimes they’re louder than you want them to be. There’s excitement but at the same time, this isn’t the person you thought you’d turn out to be.
Here’s why you may be cheating on your boyfriend when you know you love him…
Human beings rarely do things for no reason. Your choices in life are driven by a need to either get some gain or to avoid a certain pain. You eat to avoid the pain of being hungry. You work in order to avoid being homeless (pain).
Sometime it’s both at the same time – to avoid pain and at the same time gain something. You eat something delicious to gain a pleasurable feeling but also to avoid the discomfort of being hungry.
You’re in a relationship in order to both feel love (gain) and also to avoid loneliness (pain).
So why the cheating?
Your cheating may come from avoiding something about your relationship. Because you love your boyfriend, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is perfect and meaningful. There may be something about the it that deeply bothers you, either consciously or unconsciously.
Your motivation toward the cheating may be a way of unconsciously avoiding thinking about what’s really wrong. Cheating can serve as a distraction from the hard and painful work of having to go through the mental processing.
If the cheating is gain driven, then you may be cheating in the hope that something better will come along. Cheating with someone else may serve the purpose of helping you figure out if you’re a better match with somebody else, and may help you decide if you should leave or stay in the current relationship.
Alternatively, cheating on your boyfriend may mean something about you…
Cheating on your boyfriend may have nothing at all to do with him or the quality of the relationship. I’ve counselled many people over the decades who have discovered through the process, that the cheating is a result of deeper emotional pain.
These clients have come to appreciate that the cheating is an attempt to fill up an unfillable bucket of internal discontentment. They struggle to have the external world fill up internal voids. It’s an unwinnable undertaking.
If you are cheating on your boyfriend and can’t figure out why it’s happening, see how Therapy Lounge can help. You can call right here, right now for on call therapy so you can begin to untangle the reasons and solve them.