Here are the top 13 reasons why you may keep cheating in your relationships.
If you repeatedly keep cheating in your relationships, know that you’re doing it for a reason, whether that reason is significant, or small and still under your radar. Human beings rarely do things with no driving motivation. Whether you’re aware of the reason or not, there will be one that keeps you cheating.
After two decades of being a therapist, I’ve walked alongside many people on the journey through to discovery of why they cheat in their relationships. I’m yet to be presented with a client who simply cheats in their relationships with no determinable cause.
Here are the top 13 reasons I’ve experienced so far (in no particular order):
- A lack of foresight means that you are unable to appreciate any significant negative future consequences for the cheating. It’s an ability to fear negative future consequences that keeps most people from avoiding certain behaviours. You may believe that you either won’t get caught by your partner, or that you’ll be able to talk your way out of it.
- If you’ve developed a strong sense of entitlement, you’re likely to believe that life should be the way you want it to be, that you can engage in whatever interests you see fit because you’re entitled to live life just the way you want to.
- FOMO, the fear of missing out on better sex or a better connection may keep you pursuing others. You fear that you’ll be missing out on something, ie “you only live once” attitude.
- If you’ve been unhappy in your primary relationship, you may be seeking connection and soothing from another person to deal with the unhappy emotional state.
- If you’ve had a sense, that your relationship is coming to an end, for whatever reasons, an affair might be just the thing to help you or the other person move forward and end it.
- Feeling lonely, distant from your partner, or a need to feel wanted may be the reason you keep pursuing partners outside of your relationship.
- If you’ve reached a point in your life where you feel bored and unsatisfied, cheating may be a way you’ve attempted to sooth the discomfort of the boredom.
- If you’re the type of person who has a need for excitement, the fun junky, then cheating in relationships may be give you a better sense of living. The pursuit of excitement can be, for many a strong driving factor.
- You may have inadvertently developed genuine feelings with another person.
- The quarter or midlife crisis means that you’ve reached a time in your life where you’re unsatisfied with what you’ve achieved and where you are at. These feelings can be a driving factor for why people seek affairs in order to feel emotionally better.
- Unresolved pain, also referred to as ‘unfinished emotional business’ will continue to fester unless you work at uncovering and resolving it. You may be cheating in your relationships in an attempt to make peace with any unfinished business that still impacts you from the past.
- If you’ve developed, usually from childhood experiences, an ‘I’m not good enough story’, you’ll have an underlying message that you’re inadequate or somewhat broken. Your cheating may be an attempt at trying to make yourself feel whole and healthy again.
- If you’ve experienced sexual incompatibility in your relationship, you may be seeking better sex outside of the relationship. This type of cheating seems to be simply about better sex and often involves unemotional affairs of convenience or engaging paid sex workers. In my experience, this is the least common reason why people cheat but it can tend to be the most common reason people give for cheating in their relationships.
If you keep cheating in your relationships and want to break the cycle, therapy can help!