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Are you feeling that your relationship is too stressful and it really shouldn’t be this hard?
Some level of stress in a relationship is OK. Afterall, you’re two individuals coming together with different:
- family background and upbringing
- personality traits & temperament
- values, dreams, goals & plans for the future
- tolerance, support network & coping strategies
- family & society culture
- all that you’ve become from your past experiences
With the mix in all of these variations, there’s bound to be some conflicting moments that will bring stress to the relationship.
However, if you’re feeling that the state of things is just not reasonable, here’s what you can do to get rid of the relationship stress…
Firstly, do a stocktake and write a list of all the things within the relationship that cause you stress. It’s hard to resolve things if you don’t know exactly what the problem is.
Some things on the list will be fixable so go about doing just that. If you can’t entirely fix them, try to change things so they are more bearable, workable and less stressful. If there’s something fundamentally wrong with your relationship, your partner or the way you both get along, you owe it to yourself to fix it. Don’t waste your time sitting in an unhealthy relationship and being unhappy.
If you can’t identify anything that greatly needs changing but you still feel stress from the relationship, here’s what you need to do next…
Like most people, you’re probably an expert in gluing onto your uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and things that happen. It’s called ‘fusion’. It’s when we believe, keep thinking about, and struggle with our thoughts, feelings and painful events.
Instead, try mastering the art of ‘defusion’. Look at the thoughts and feelings rather than embracing and living them. Just because you think or feel something it doesn’t mean that you have to believe it. Thoughts and feelings are not absolute truths. Defusing from them helps to lessen their negative impact.
Observe your thoughts and feelings with curiosity then let them come and go without engaging in their content. Don’t label thoughts as either good or bad. They are just what they are – just thoughts. When thoughts are helpful you can act on them but mostly our thoughts are negative. These are the thoughts that you need to observe and then let float on by. They have no real power over you, only the power you give them.