You may be self-sabotaging your relationships and may be totally unaware why? Here’s one cause that might be creating the problem
Do you think about your relationship and feel stressed, and think it’s rare when you’re both on the same page? Do you feel you disagree with each other a lot, and that your partner just doesn’t get you?
These thoughts and feelings are probably making you feel disconnected, undervalued and misunderstood. It may be as simple as, you’re with the wrong person but if you feel like a break up is inevitable because it’s become a pattern in your life, then you may be a self-sabotaging your relationships.
Think about what your childhood was like…
What’s in your childhood that may be making you self-sabotage your relationships?
Think about what your childhood was like. Did you grow up in a calm and loving household where you mainly felt accepted, understood and valued? Or did you grow up with a stressful and traumatic childhood that was unsafe, critical, threatening or even at times, dangerous?
If you’ve grown up in stressful or traumatic circumstances, your body produced high levels of cortisol. Cortisol is a steroid hormone that is produced by the adrenal glands. It’s designed to help your body respond to increased stress and danger, and it’s essential for the fight flight response.
When the body becomes used to producing high cortisol levels, in many cases it continues into adulthood. This happens even though the threat or danger is no longer there because the body has a need to return to the status quo, to what’s familiar. Its desire is to mimic the same familiar feeling from childhood. In essence, it’s the only way your body knows how to be.
How we self-sabotage our current relationships
If your body has a continual need to drive cortisol levels up in adulthood (familiar state), you will tend to gravitate toward stressful situations, thoughts, emotions and drama. You’ll find it difficult to keep your emotions calm and to see certain situations as non-threatening and neutral.
You’ll feel more comfortable being on guard and being in a heightened state in case you need to protect yourself. Being flexible will be foreign and uncomfortable to you, as you continually keep on the lookout for threats.
You’ll be likely to judge others harshly because that’s how life has taught you to be – that the world is unsafe, unenjoyable and is likely to hurt or disappoint you once again.
If you think you may be self-sabotaging, here’s what to consider now…
Think about your childhood experiences and how they have impacted on the person you are today. If you’re coming up with some pretty strong feelings then brief phone therapy may not be the way to go. Booking an in-clinic session will give you a better opportunity to deeply develop a relationship with someone who will understand you, and what you’ve gone through.