If you fear the concept of falling in love, there are things you can do to change the way you feel.
Does fear rise up in you when you think about the prospect of falling in love?
Is the thought of falling in love enough to make your hands clammy and feel tightness around your chest? Is there a small part of you that is sometimes OK with the idea, but the rest of you feels repelled, almost like you have a love/hate relationship with the concept of romantic love?
You weren’t born with a fear of love. It came from your life experiences along the way. At some point, you made a painful connection to love and this might have happened once, or more than just the one negative experience. Depending on the depth of your fear, you may have been hurt over and over again which has reinforced your fear over time.
To get rid of the fear, the first thing you need to do is…
You need to discover how the fear got there in the first place. It may be from your childhood experiences which created a belief that love is painful and will hurt you. If you’ve formed a negative view of love from childhood, this doesn’t disappear just because you grew up.
Your beliefs stay with you and stop you from being able to form healthy love attachments in adulthood.
If your fear of love came from being hurt by other people in adulthood, then you’ve held onto a belief that being in love will end in disaster, will eventually hurt you and that it’s something to stay away from to keep you from being hurt again. In fact, think of your brain working exactly the way it should. Its job is to keep you safe. It’s doing its job so you won’t be open to hurt again in the future.
Getting rid of your fear of love
Once you’ve figured out where the hurt and fear came from, you need to make peace with the one, or numerous experiences. You’ll need to change your belief from:
- love will always hurt me and so I need to fear it, to
- because some people have hurt me, it doesn’t mean that everyone will hurt me in the future
Beliefs are often irrational. You’ll need to look at yours to see if they are helpful or not helpful to you living a rich and meaningful live in the future.
If you can’t get rid of your fear of love
Erasing old information and replacing it with new, more helpful ideas can be difficult to do on your own. Your brain will want you to keep, and return to the old ideas. If you’re having trouble changing your beliefs on your own, outside help will be the answer.