When you’ve been hurt by someone, here’s how to deal with it so you can move forward.
If someone’s hurt you, depending on the degree and circumstances, it’s likely you’re feeling anything from disappointment, regret and frustration to deep anger and debilitating pain in your heart.
The degree of hurt you feel will be somewhere on a continuum based on the situation and the nature of the relationship you have with the one who hurt you.
Before embarking on getting rid of the hurt…
No matter where you are on the continuum, you have to decide what to do next. Do you sit in this space you’re in now, buckling under the strain of the hurt and still needing to carry on day to day, or do you try and move forward and out through to the other side?
If a small part of you wants to sit in the pain, that’s normal because it’s comforting to some degree, and familiar. But you also know that you can’t sit here forever and it doesn’t feel good to be in this space.
Try to reconcile with the thought that moving past it will be harder than sitting in it. But like many things in life, start sooner rather than later because you’ll arrive at a happier place sooner. Your life is worth it.
How to get rid of the hurt
Firstly, embrace the idea that holding onto the hurt won’t do you any favours. It might support a case for paying back the person who hurt you, but it won’t serve your life well. You’re also giving your power away to someone else – someone else owns influence over you.
Secondly, work towards learning how to forgive the other person – for them, but more importantly, for you. This is about restoring your equilibrium and happiness. Decide to be the person you won’t to be. “I’m deciding to be a happier and better version of myself”. “I can forgive, it’s within my control”. Forgiveness is healthy and an important ingredient for both personal contentment and healthy relationships.
Lastly, understand that sometimes it’s our pride that stops forgiveness from happening and keeps the hurt in place. Pride is powerful and when it’s damaged, it cuts deeply. It’s difficult to heal that wound but unlike a physical injury, you can use that great big neocortex of yours to make different choices.
You will survive if you tell your pride to take a back seat, nurture its damage but choose to focus on restoring it to health, for the benefit of everything else that isn’t your pride. We all love our pride but if it stops us from being happy, isn’t it better to ask it to stand down for your overall benefit.
If you can’t get rid of the hurt…
Try not to let it sit for too long. The longer it stays, often the more difficult it is to shift. If you can’t do it on your own, briefly talking to a university-trained therapist will help.