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If you’re in a relationship and just not feeling happy enough, here’s how to get what you need.
Are you in a relationship with someone you want to be with but just don’t feel happy enough? Are you struggling to get you relationship needs met and feeling frustrated, unhappy and confused about where to start in order to solve things?
If this is your situation, you’ll also be:
- Getting upset or angry more often than you used to
- Having difficulty getting to sleep or often waking up in the night
- Noticing your change in appetite, eating less or more, and more unhealthy foods than you usually would
- Getting irritated over small things
- Feeling more powerless than what you would like
If you’re not happy in your relationship, here’s what you need to do to get what you want:
You may not be as skillful as you think, in being able to ask for what you need and want.
If you’re not getting your needs met, you’ll either be:
- Not asking for what you need at all, usually due to a lack of communication skills or bravery.
- Thinking that you are stating your needs assertively and clearly but you partner is not receiving the accurate messages. When you speak don’t always assume that the other person has understood your message the way it was meant. Their intentions might be honourable but communication often gets lost in transit.
- Asking assertively, respectfully and clearly for what you need but your partner’s choice is to not deliver. In this case, perhaps you should be asking yourself if this relationship is for you and if you are treating yourself as valuable.
When you can artfully, respectfully, clearly and confidently ask for what you need, you usually increase the chances that your partner will deliver.
The reasons you may not be asking for what you want in your relationship may include:
- Being too shy, embarrassed or self-conscious
- Never having learnt quality and assertive communication
- Fear that you’ll be judged for what you ask for
- Fear that you’ll be considered as too much trouble (self-esteem related)
- An inability to consider and treat yourself as worthy and valuable
- Concern that your partner won’t like your requests
To have a quality and happy relationship, you’ll need to be able to figure out what’s stopping you from asking, and solve it. You’ll then need to regularly implement a communication style that leaves you free to honestly communicate and be open to receiving what you need in your life.
If you’re having trouble truly mastering the skill and courage you need, perhaps getting a professional therapist involved is what you will need in the long run.