Your partner loves you so what are the reasons why people can still cheat on the people they love?
You’ve recently found out about the affair and now you’re heartbroken, angry, and at times full of hatred.
You believe your partner loves you and you can’t possibly understand why they cheated.
People cheat for a range of different reasons and most of them have nothing to do with the love, or lack of, they feel for their partner.
The reasons people gave for cheating
In January 2018, 1800 people responded to an online survey on infidelity. 60% of women and 52% of men reported that the main reason for their cheating was emotional disconnection.
Other researchers have also uncovered a range of different reasons people gave for cheating including:
- A sense of entitlement when the relationship has been bad for an extended period of time. The person will justify actions on the basis of a right to be happy.
- No longer finding a partner attractive.
- To get attention, to feel special and desired.
- To feel more feminine/masculine.
- A need to feel young, “this is my last chance” to be with someone else.
- A need for intimacy or variety of sexual behaviours.
- A need, within the relationship that the other feels is not being met by his/her partner.
- Societal influence – the person knew someone closely who had engaged in affairs.
- Falling in love with another person.
What the research shows about cheating
The research shows that people cheat for many reasons not connected to love but more likely something to do with what’s missing and/or something additional they needed to gain in order to feel happier or more satisfied. The cheating doesn’t necessarily mean that they were unhappy before, it means that they had a driving desire to improve their state at the time, in some way.
The person who cheated often feels that something is lacking within themselves or they believe the relationship is lacking in some way. In some cases, it may be more than one reason.
Finding out exactly why the person who loves you cheated…
Talking to family and friends is not likely to get you the answers you need. Whilst they are well-meaning and supportive, they’re not mind-readers and won’t have an understanding of what your partner was thinking at the time. You’re unlikely to be able to take a critical look at things alone when you’re flooded with strong emotions and not impartial enough.
Talking to a third-party professional therapist is going to get you closer to uncovering answers. They can help you explore the situation to try and uncover some telling signs of why the cheating happened. With this new information, you’ll be able to make decisions about what to do next.