Learn here why it’s important to not only set boundaries in your relationship but also to maintain them.
If you’re finding your relationship is not as peaceful or rewarding as it should be, you may either have inadequate boundaries in place, or they may be frequently being violated by your partner.
Boundaries are the essential, invisible lines that protect you and your own individuality. They also protect the couple unit from outside invasion.
If these lines are not firmly set in the first place or they’re not maintained over time, it’s likely that they’ll be violated at some point by your partner or an outside source. The violations cause relationship issues leaving you feeling dissatisfied and unhappy with your partner.
Why you set your individual boundaries within your relationship
Different boundaries protect different things. Like a fence, your individual boundaries protect your values and your own ‘business’. They protect your individuality, your own needs and desires, and who you want to be.
Individual boundaries contribute to making sure you are living the type of life you want and help in achieving the things you need in life.
You guard these boundaries against violation by your partner. ‘You should not enter my backyard if I haven’t invited you’. When violation attempts are made, you are able to respectfully ask your partner to back away and take your boundary into consideration.
Happy relationships are maintained when both of you are aware of where your lines are, maintain them and can also compromise when it best serves the relationship.
Setting your couple boundary
Couple boundary lines are the boundaries that the couple form together. These boundaries protect the couple from the outside world, from intrusion from friends, family and other outsiders who could enter the relationship and undermine the relationship’s balance.
When your couple boundaries are strong, both of you protect the relationship and repel advances from others. You defend your partner when necessary and you view the relationship as an impenetrable force.
When you’re struggling with setting the boundaries…
Knowing where to set your boundaries can be difficult to figure out, particularly if you’re trying to establish new ones and the relationship has been in place for some time.
It’s not easy to know where the fair point is, and if you’re being reasonable or not. Your partner may also see your attempts to put in place firm boundaries as you being unfair, selfish or inconsiderate.
If your partner doesn’t agree with the lines you set down, ongoing discussions will be difficult as each of you hold your position. This is when you’ve reached a stalemate.
If you’re challenged by establishing firm ground rules, figuring out what’s fair and reasonable or you need to work through a stalemate, a third-party professional will help.