If you’ve been unfaithful in your relationship and your partner is unaware that it’s happened, here’s how and why therapy can help…
The infidelity has happened, either with one person or with multiple people. Your partner at this point may suspect or not, but still doesn’t really know that you’ve been unfaithful.
Was the infidelity of an emotional or physical nature, or both? Was it just the one time or over many months, years or even decades? It may have been with someone you knew, someone you met online or with paid workers.
At this point, these facts don’t really matter. What does matter is that you’re likely feeling confused about exactly why you’re doing it, or did it. You feel unsure about yourself and the type of person you thought you were. At times you worry about getting caught and you’re tired of having to lie and constantly cover things up.
Maybe there’s a part deep down within you that feels guilty and shameful, and you think about what will happen if your secret gets out.
Getting therapy for the infidelity when you have been the unfaithful one, won’t change the past but it certainly will be able to help you change the present and the future.
Things are unlikely to change without outside help, otherwise you would have changed them by now. Or, instead of searching the internet, you’d be right now perfectly happy drinking tequila with your co-affair conspirator.
If disturbing feelings keep repeating around in your head, this is your brain’s way of telling you that something is deeply wrong in your value system and that it needs addressing.
How therapy for infidelity works
Your professional therapist will not judge you for your life choices, but they will be able to help you work through all the confusion. Together, you’ll be able to:
- Work out what’s really important to you
- Figure out why you made the choice you did and what kept the choice in place
- Clear away the mist so you can see all the options with clarity
- Establish the type of person you want to be and what your value system is
- Figure out how to leave or how to stay in the primary relationship and be happy
You may decide to do the entire therapy process on your own, just you and your therapist. If it’s uncovered that there are fundamental issues in your relationship however, you may decide to ask your partner to join therapy. Remember that your story, the one that you shared with your therapist in private, remains private. Your confidentiality will not be broken.
How you navigate the journey will be up to you. Each person is unique and each situation is unique. You can discuss what works best for you with your therapist.
Therapy for infidelity, you won’t feel judged
Therapists who choose to work with clients who have been unfaithful, have chosen to work in this field. You will not feel judged for the choices you’ve made. Life is complicated and our aim is to help you feel as understood and supported as possible through the therapeutic journey.