If you’ve been unfaithful and your partner knows about it, here’s how and why therapy can help…
You’ve been unfaithful once or many times and for whatever reason, your partner now knows about it. You are now living in a world of destruction.
Do you desperately want to move on but your partner remains compassionless, questioning, confused and steadfastly angry?
Are you buckling under the strain of guilt and shame and your partner is making sure you are reminded of it at every opportunity?
You are repeatedly questioned. Some days the onslaught is worse than on other days, and just when you thought things were just beginning to die down it all starts up again. Your partner must have all the answers, and many of these you don’t even have yourself.
You can’t talk about your predicament with anyone, or at best maybe a select few. In any case, no one is bringing any new information to the table that is helping.
Getting therapy for the infidelity when you have been the unfaithful one, won’t change the past but it certainly will help you be able to manage the future.
If nothing different happens things aren’t likely to change any time soon. You’ll be sitting in this place for many more months, or God forbid, years to come.
If you take no action, the hurt partner won’t understand why and imagination usually steps in with thoughts of:
- You don’t care
- Once again you’re putting your own needs first, before them and the relationship
- You’re guilty and you don’t want to face what you’ve done
- You can’t be bothered enough to work at saving the relationship
- You’re hiding something
- You’re still doing it
- You’ll never be able to be trusted
- You’ll never change because you haven’t addressed why you did it in the first place
- You’re not sorry
It’s a hole that’s difficult to dig your way out of.
Attending therapy for infidelity on your own
Depending on what your desired outcome is, attending therapy on your own will give you a safe place to explore:
- Why you were unfaithful in the first place (unconsciously it may not necessarily be what you think)
- How to reduce the chances and desire for it to happen again in the future (if this is your goal)
- What your partner is actually going through, seeing things through his/her eyes and having compassion
- How to manage feelings of guilt and shame (let’s leave them behind)
Attending therapy for infidelity with your partner
You and your partner may decide to attend therapy together. Your professional therapist will be able to make the environment safe enough, so both of you can talk through what’s happening from your own perspectives. If your partner attends with you, you’ll both be able to:
- Learn how to forgive and have compassion for one another
- Uncover what went wrong and what caused the issue in the first place
- Work toward restoring trust
- Learn strategies to improve things so relapse doesn’t occur in the future.
Therapy for infidelity… no judgement
Remember that your therapist is used to working with infidelity and similar issues. They work at their best to make the environment as safe as possible and don’t bring judgement to their work. Life, and people are complicated and we all make decisions that seem OK at the time. You won’t feel judged for your choices through the therapeutic journey.